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Trending on TV: Stalkers turned husbands

Idiot box

Sometimes trends catch on – capes over kurtas, chai at dhabas over chai at home and Fawad Khan over well, everyone else. Mostly they are passing fads, soon replaced by the latest flavour of the month.

But what do you do if a trend revels in turning rapists into heroes, glorifies goons, promotes stalking as a precursor to romance and use of force as an expression of love?

There used to be a time when Pakistani dramas didn’t shy away from holding a mirror to our society but also gave us protagonists who struggled against an unfair system. True some of these dramas were slower than attempts at making youtube accessible, still most had more pithy dialogues than, “Aga Khan, nashta kar lein.”

The women were not always bickering and plotting schemes to outdo each other but actually held jobs and ambition. Then cable TV happened and the idiot box truly lived up to its name.

From the popular blockbuster from last year Pyare Afzal of a lovable loser turned gangster, many a goon avatar has thundered through our TV screens. While this may be a reflection of increased crime and the reality of our times, and the inner life of goons might make for compelling character study, portraying them as heroes is a travesty.

Sangat, the drama that was ostensibly about a rape survivor, turned into a convoluted debacle for a rapist’s forgiveness. Forget justice, the victim barely got time to recover before the rapist moved into her house.While this might be the more exaggerated of cases, other dramas aren’t faring better.Gul-e-Rana takes it a step further.

Inspired by the popular Diyar-e-dil trend of coercing women at gunpoint, Rana is forced to marry her cousin (another increasingly popular trend). She puts up with his psychotic behaviour and pass off the blame for his attempted rape onto the woman. Of course in telling visual shorthand, the woman is dressed in Western clothes so naturally, an attempted rape serves her right.

Even the popular Mera Noam Yousuf Hai had the hero stalking his love interest. More troublingly when the girl did not reciprocate his feelings, he refused to take no for an answer. His insistence on stalking her, landing up at her house were all played out as a romantic gestures. File that under that age-old tradition of desi male entitlement, and many many Bollywood films as early as the 60s that enforce the idea ki na na karte pyar tum hi se kar baite.

In the 80s along with bad clothes and worse hairstyles Bollywood also introduced the reprehensible tradition of raped women marrying their rapists. Fast forward a few decades later, now we are turning that into women must marry at gunpoint and live happily ever after with their stalkers.

In the current Dil lagi too, there is a large hearted thug masquerading as a hero. His bleeding heart is in love with the feisty Anmol, so much so that despite her repeated refusals he sees it fit to barge into her home, follow her at work and scare of any prospective grooms – real or imagined.

Though all the women said no, clearly and unequivocally, her answer stands for nothing. Her voice is to be drowned out. Her guroor to be broken. These kinds of dangerous mindsets are one step short of leading to acid attacks and honor killings.  This entitlement is what our leaders defend when they say they have the right to hit women.

Strong arming into someone’s home, having women acquiesce to demands at the barrel of a gun, watching and following them as they go about their day, beautifully shot scenes of thuggery in the rain are not romantic gestures, they are acts of violence.

The only drama thus far to have gotten the memo is Bhai. Noman Ijaz plays the sadistic neighbourhood goonda with little redeeming qualities. Given our drama writers love for binaries, he is a composite of every evil imaginable. Still, his harassment and threatening behavior is depicted as menacing and scary as it is and rightly should be portrayed.

It’s not so hard to see that peddling thugs as heroes and stalking as romance feeds into a convoluted idea of what a relationship should be. A healthy relationship involves the consent of both parties. In our repressed society where film and TV play more than just the role of entertainment, our dramas need to examine the dangerous stereotypes they are reinforcing.

For a change, listen to what the women are saying. No always means no, not I”ll-change-my-mind-if-you–can-make-me-bend-against-my-will. Force and coercion cannot be glossed over by supposedly romantic gestures, rather commands  for chai, dinner, ironed clothes and freshly squeezed orange juice as if fulfilling his every need is all that a woman lives for.

If only drama writers as well as the men they sketch respected a woman’s ability to make a choice for themselves. In case we need to spell it out, no is complete sentence.

MM (aka A musing Muslim)

An edited version first appeared here.

 

4 Comments »

  1. Hey MM, Welcome back! It’s lovely to read one of your flawless reviews again. I couldn’t agree more- as a woman, it’s immensely frustrating to see how the females in our dramas are mistreated and even more frustrating to see the audience rooting for the so-called hero bhi/ villain bhi types. I mean, seriously? I couldn’t stand to watch beyond the first episode of Sangat and every time I came across Zahid Ahmed’s face, it frustrated me to no end… there’s no dearth of examples and it really needs to stop.

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    • Thanks Kanwal! Good to be back but sadly not for the best topic. As you rightly point out, there is no dearth of examples. This isn’t a one off thing. It’s literally gaining ground and that is the problem. Creating a sort of ‘normalcy’ about these kinds of behaviours really sends a disturbing message. We still need to challenge this kind of writing and this kind of mind set

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  2. Thank you for this post . When you first mentioned this , I had a feeling you were being over zealous … Then I began to list the number if zabardasti Ka Pyaar stories this year and it dawned on me that this really was the the flavor of the month . I have to disagree about Wali even though you will probably disagree, Wali was more concerned about his grandfather but even then such violence was unnecessary and yes unacceptable.
    Sangat was unbelievable, just beyond comprehension . Gul e Rana was a cheap ploy to play to certain prejudice s . At least Rana leaves Adeel in the end . Sangat was a whole new level of despicable. The Worst character after the Rapist was Salma , who did not care about the victim and was desperate to marry and protect the rapist even after he admitted his crime . If the writers had given her the personality of a psychopath I could understand but she was shown as an ordinary girl next door .
    I stopped watching Bhai because it got too sadistic . Dillagi is watchable because Anmol gives as good infact worse than she gets . Otherwise to quote Wali ” Jin sey Mohabbat kee jaati hai oonsey Zabardasti nahee kee jaati ” well unless your grandfather is involved …
    So these are our de Jour ,what does it tell us about us and our values ?

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    • Yes, I knew you thought I would be hectoring in my take, which it probably is, but we need to call a spade a spade or in this case, a stalker, a stalker.

      We will have to agree to disagree about D-e-D. I don’t care if your grandfather has one foot in the grave, he has also seen this so called life so he can deal. Violence even as last option is not acceptable. Nor is kidnapping. And gun point. I have no idea what I will agree to do when faced with the barrel of a gun. You are being coercing someone into a decision – one which they already refused. Thats how much we value a woman’s word. If you don’t like it, just change it.

      All these dramas and am sure I missed some, seek to normalize this kind of violence. This is why we are told to just deal with eve teasing. It is not teasing, it is sexual harassment. There is the whole spectrum – stalking, harassing, forced marriage, rape, marital rape – all of it. It is ALL a violation. Do not romanticize these men and their behavior. Is this what we are showing young. impressionable minds – both men and women – that this kind of behavior is acceptable? it is the norm? the way to get the girl?

      These writers and channels are reinforcing dangerous stereotypes and its time to hold them accountable.

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